OK, guys, so there’s this 2004 book called He’s Just Not That Into You, popular with women because it exposed the lies they often tell themselves in order to be in relationships with jerk men.
With the recent wave of sexual assault and harassment allegations against so many prominent men, it’s obvious there are also lies men tell themselves, causing them to act horrifically stupid toward women and girls.
With the trending of #MeToo, it’s also clear the problem isn’t just famous men – it’s a whole bunch of you “regular” guys, too.
If you are one of those guys, I’m not quite sure how to get this through your thick skull, as I’m not sure if it’s because you’re brain dead or you just don’t care, but this notion that she somehow “likes it” is a bunch of crock. She doesn’t.
So let me just tell you man to man…or perhaps in this case, man to boy…dude, seriously, she’s just not that into you.
- She works for you or is trying to get hired. With a few flirtatious hints you think she’ll be impressed by your power. While it’s true she might be intimidated a bit by your force, in the end she’ll just think of you as weak and pathetic. She’s there to get a paycheck and she’s just not that into you.
- You’re at a gas station and see an attractive woman all alone pumping gas. You decide to randomly approach her with “smooth” verbiage about her looks. What you see is a girl fawning over your flattering words. What she sees is some scary, pervert coming at her, and debates about pouring gas on you and lighting a match. She’s there to get fuel and she’s just not that into you.
I don’t know quite how to say this, we’ve been together so long, but lately over the last several days…I’m just not feelin’ it.
No, this isn’t some kind of break up notice, for we’ve been through too much together for that. And we’ve had some pretty amazing times.
This isn’t a crisis of faith – though I’ve said I’m “losing my religion,” my belief and trust in you is stronger than ever.
You’ve not done anything recently to offend me. You’ve not thrown me under the bus. You’ve not cheated on me nor lied to me nor wreaked any personal major havoc.
It’s not that I have some theological issue with your allowance of suffering and such; you and I have worked our way through that. It’s not that I’m troubled about seeming contradictions I’ve read; we’ve talked about those, too.
You and I have had knock down fights before and moments where I’ve nearly walked away. I’ve screamed at you and cursed as well and nearly thrown in the towel. But it’s not quite like that at all this time.
It’s just that my feelings for you, over really even the last couple weeks, can best be described as…meh. Continue reading
This is yet another unplanned post, but as I’ve reflected a lot on my 4 a.m. post (as well as some of the others) I thought I would share. Many responded through comments on the blog, Facebook or through private messages offering words of support and prayer. As a result, in the midst of what our family has been going through I felt deeply strengthened and encouraged because the overall message I received was, “You are not alone.”
Not alone, first, because so many were willing to come alongside my family in a time of struggle. Being transparent can be a scary thing – so it means a lot when afterwards, instead of receiving the condemnation we often manage to convince ourselves we’re going to get, we receive words more along the lines of “I understand” and “I am with you.”
But not alone also because several responded with their own personal stories of struggle, letting me know that I’m not alone in this mess. In fact, after receiving several comments and private messages since starting this blog and, after having been throughout the years a part of so many different men’s groups, home groups, and various other relationships where inevitably others begin to confess the mess in their lives, I’ve become convinced of one thing: we all have our stuff. We all have messes. Continue reading
I’m writing this just a little after 4 in the morning. I confess this was not within my plan. All of my other posts have been meticulously planned out in my head for months, each with a certain timing, a certain purpose – all part of a much greater plan. But not this one. I had never planned, or even hoped, to write it at all, and certainly not on a different day of the week. I don’t even know that I even have anything specific to teach or that there’s a point – just some random, and perhaps desperate, 4 am thoughts.
But I promised I would be honest and real…and so here I am. You see just after 7am my youngest son, Chase, will be getting up, or perhaps he may not. For the past week it has been quite a struggle and it’s starting to become routine. We wake him up to get ready for school, and sometimes he gets going and sometimes he does not – almost always I end up spending anywhere from 30 minutes to hours, encouraging him that he can make it through at least this day. Welcome to depression. Continue reading
(Part 3 of 3 of God, the church and LGBT)
In my first post on LGBT I explained how God favors those who are LGBT. God’s favor is never lost and never has to be earned; he simply likes you – always has and always will. The church has sadly failed to express that. In my second post, I explored the question of whether same-sex marriage is sin, saying how it (along with any similar questions related to LGBT and sin) is nearly impossible to answer; for in that one question is actually 1000 other deeper questions being asked. To try and answer it in a short soundbite without first listening to others is often costly as it ends up hurting people along the way. With that said, I’m actually going to attempt now to answer the question – or on a broader scale the question of whether being LGBT (or other similar variations) is sin. Continue reading
“What would you like me to do for you?” she asked as she knelt in front of me where I perched nervously on a bench. “You need me to dance? You want to get touchy, touchy? Or for even more dollars we can do more than that…
“I have a coupon,” I said.
A coupon. How did I even get here? Continue reading
(Part 2 of 3 of God, the Church, and LGBT)
Music blared several decibels from her bedroom to grab my attention. Upon arriving at my 15 year old daughter’s room I saw the collection of homemade construction paper posters plastered all over the outside of her door.
With words in crayon and colored pencil scribbled over pictures of rainbows and picket signs, the message was meant to be clear.
“Equal Rights!” they exclaimed.
“Bi-sexual and proud!”
But the most offensive:
“My dad hates gays!” and “My dad hates me because I’m bi.”
or….Thanks, God, For the Really Sucky Years
(Welcome to my blog part 1 of 2)
I’m not gonna lie to you….half of what I’m going to tell you throughout this blog site is a lie. What??? Steve, you’re starting out this blog called “Honestly Thinking” by telling me you can’t really be trusted (not to mention the contradictory sentence and bad grammar)?? Yes…and no…and not exactly. I promise to always be honest with you, but that means telling you up front that a big percentage of what I say to you I don’t fully believe myself. In other words, I constantly tell lies to myself. I’m a hypocrite. What I say I believe and what I actually end up doing are often two different things. That’s because what I truly believe in my head doesn’t always transfer to what I truly believe in my heart and vice versa; thus, I continually end up living a contradictory life. Continue reading