OK, guys, so there’s this 2004 book called He’s Just Not That Into You, popular with women because it exposed the lies they often tell themselves in order to be in relationships with jerk men.
With the recent wave of sexual assault and harassment allegations against so many prominent men, it’s obvious there are also lies men tell themselves, causing them to act horrifically stupid toward women and girls.
With the trending of #MeToo, it’s also clear the problem isn’t just famous men – it’s a whole bunch of you “regular” guys, too.
If you are one of those guys, I’m not quite sure how to get this through your thick skull, as I’m not sure if it’s because you’re brain dead or you just don’t care, but this notion that she somehow “likes it” is a bunch of crock. She doesn’t.
So let me just tell you man to man…or perhaps in this case, man to boy…dude, seriously, she’s just not that into you.
- She works for you or is trying to get hired. With a few flirtatious hints you think she’ll be impressed by your power. While it’s true she might be intimidated a bit by your force, in the end she’ll just think of you as weak and pathetic. She’s there to get a paycheck and she’s just not that into you.
- You’re at a gas station and see an attractive woman all alone pumping gas. You decide to randomly approach her with “smooth” verbiage about her looks. What you see is a girl fawning over your flattering words. What she sees is some scary, pervert coming at her, and debates about pouring gas on you and lighting a match. She’s there to get fuel and she’s just not that into you.
This is yet another unplanned post, but as I’ve reflected a lot on my 4 a.m. post (as well as some of the others) I thought I would share. Many responded through comments on the blog, Facebook or through private messages offering words of support and prayer. As a result, in the midst of what our family has been going through I felt deeply strengthened and encouraged because the overall message I received was, “You are not alone.”
Not alone, first, because so many were willing to come alongside my family in a time of struggle. Being transparent can be a scary thing – so it means a lot when afterwards, instead of receiving the condemnation we often manage to convince ourselves we’re going to get, we receive words more along the lines of “I understand” and “I am with you.”
But not alone also because several responded with their own personal stories of struggle, letting me know that I’m not alone in this mess. In fact, after receiving several comments and private messages since starting this blog and, after having been throughout the years a part of so many different men’s groups, home groups, and various other relationships where inevitably others begin to confess the mess in their lives, I’ve become convinced of one thing: we all have our stuff. We all have messes. Continue reading
“What would you like me to do for you?” she asked as she knelt in front of me where I perched nervously on a bench. “You need me to dance? You want to get touchy, touchy? Or for even more dollars we can do more than that…
“I have a coupon,” I said.
A coupon. How did I even get here? Continue reading