Honestly Thinking

Honestly thinking (& rethinking) about God, the universe, and everything in between

Tag: depression

4 am thoughts…and a need for prayer

I’m writing this just a little after 4 in the morning.  I confess this was not within my plan.  All of my other posts have been meticulously planned out in my head for months, each with a certain timing, a certain purpose – all part of a much greater plan.  But not this one.  I had never planned, or even hoped, to write it at all, and certainly not on a different day of the week.  I don’t even know that I even have anything specific to teach or that there’s a point – just some random, and perhaps desperate, 4 am thoughts.

But I promised I would be honest and real…and so here I am.  You see just after 7am my youngest son, Chase, will be getting up, or perhaps he may not.  For the past week it has been quite a struggle and it’s starting to become routine.  We wake him up to get ready for school, and sometimes he gets going and sometimes he does not – almost always I end up spending anywhere from 30 minutes to hours, encouraging him that he can make it through at least this day.  Welcome to depression. Continue reading

My Evening With a Prostitute

“What would you like me to do for you?” she asked as she knelt in front of me where I perched nervously on a bench.  “You need me to dance? You want to get touchy, touchy?  Or for even more dollars we can do more than that…

“I have a coupon,” I said.

A coupon.  How did I even get here? Continue reading

“Is Same-Sex Marriage Sin?” and 1000 Other Impossible Questions Answered

(Part 2 of 3 of God, the Church, and LGBT)

Thousand Questions

Music blared several decibels from her bedroom to grab my attention.  Upon arriving at my 15 year old daughter’s room I saw the collection of homemade construction paper posters plastered all over the outside of her door.

With words in crayon and colored pencil scribbled over pictures of rainbows and picket signs, the message was meant to be clear.

“Equal Rights!” they exclaimed.

“Same-sex marriage!”

“Bi-sexual and proud!”

But the most offensive:

“My dad hates gays!” and “My dad hates me because I’m bi.”
Continue reading

Not Gonna Lie

or….Thanks, God, For the Really Sucky Years

(Welcome to my blog part 1 of 2)

I’m not gonna lie to you….half of what I’m going to tell you throughout this blog site is a lie. What???  Steve, you’re starting out this blog called “Honestly Thinking” by telling me you can’t really be trusted (not to mention the contradictory sentence and bad grammar)??  Yes…and no…and not exactly.  I promise to always be honest with you, but that means telling you up front that a big percentage of what I say to you I don’t fully believe myself.  In other words, I constantly tell lies to myself.  I’m a hypocrite.  What I say I believe and what I actually end up doing are often two different things.  That’s because what I truly believe in my head doesn’t always transfer to what I truly believe in my heart and vice versa; thus, I continually end up living a contradictory life.  Continue reading

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