Honestly thinking (& rethinking) about God, the universe, and everything in between

Category: Struggles

Life on Pause in the Time of Corona

It happened the other night.

After spending the last week barraged by constant news of the impending coronavirus pandemic heading our way, rushing out to Boston to help my son quickly pack and fly home as his college suddenly shut down, working overtime on the weekend in order to keep up with my workload, and various meetings at work to determine how best to respond to this crisis, I came home one evening, headed to the porch, plopped myself in the big brown, cushy office swivel chair (now repurposed as a “porch” chair), took in the warmth of the humidity gifted to us by the light drizzle of rain that had visited us earlier that day, appreciated the unusual silence from the lighter street traffic due to “social distancing,” intermixed with the sound of crickets happily chirping away apparently unaware of the potential calamity us humans faced, and for the next hour I thought about…….nothing.

I needed my nothing moment.

I needed my life to be on pause… just for a moment.

And it was good.

Of course, none of us can truly think about nothing; but with no agenda to accomplish, no pressing questions requiring immediate answers and no media to distract, it at least allows for your brain to sort of reset.

And I couldn’t help but walk away from that moment thinking that perhaps that is exactly what’s going on. Perhaps with all of us forced into solitude and with many of us either forced to stop work or to at least change our usual routines, this is God’s way of putting all of our lives on pause.

And not just my neighborhood or my country, but the whole world.

As a meme I recently read on Facebook stated, “I can’t help but feel this is like the earth sending us to our rooms to think about what we’ve done.”

This is not the first time I’ve had to have a “pause” moment. In fact, it’s become a more routine part of my life lately. I’ve shared openly on this blog about some of the mental health crises my immediate family has struggled through. What I haven’t shared is my own mental health crisis I experienced a little over a year ago. Continue reading

9 Signs You Might Be Arrogant and Not Know It

I am the most arrogant person in the world.

Really, it’s true. Don’t believe me? Then clearly you aren’t nearly as intelligent or wise as me to be able to figure it out.

And being the #1 most arrogant person in the world, I figure that makes me the world’s topmost leading expert on the subject.

The truth is God has really been kicking my butt over the last few years (especially this last year), progressively revealing my level of arrogance. Like peeling layers of an onion (each producing a few more tears), I’ve come to discover areas of egotism I never knew existed before.

We are all familiar with the braggadocios, narcissistic personality types – the ones who very openly make every conversation and outward action about themselves. But what we are not as acquainted with is the much more subtler symptoms of pride – the ones that often go undetected but are ultimately just as destructive to you and those around you.

In discovering these signs, I’ve learned that they are detectable when you analyze your motivations and ask yourself if they are centered around one or more of the following: self-importance, self-preservation, or self-empowerment. Each one, of course, makes it all about you. And as I’ve come to find out, I’ve made life a lot more about me than I previously realized.

The thing is, while you will never surpass me in arrogance (not even close), it’s possible that as you analyze the three motivators in relation to your life, you might discover you too have arrogance and didn’t realize it.

Thus, I present to you at least 9 Signs You Might be Arrogant and Not Know It: Continue reading

Dude, Seriously, She’s Just Not That Into You

OK, guys, so there’s this 2004 book called He’s Just Not That Into You, popular with women because it exposed the lies they often tell themselves in order to be in relationships with jerk men.

With the recent wave of sexual assault and harassment allegations against so many prominent men, it’s obvious there are also lies men tell themselves, causing them to act horrifically stupid toward women and girls.

With the trending of #MeToo, it’s also clear the problem isn’t just famous men – it’s a whole bunch of you “regular” guys, too.

If you are one of those guys, I’m not quite sure how to get this through your thick skull, as I’m not sure if it’s because you’re brain dead or you just don’t care, but this notion that she somehow “likes it” is a bunch of crock. She doesn’t.

So let me just tell you man to man…or perhaps in this case, man to boy…dude, seriously, she’s just not that into you.

  • She works for you or is trying to get hired. With a few flirtatious hints you think she’ll be impressed by your power. While it’s true she might be intimidated a bit by your force, in the end she’ll just think of you as weak and pathetic. She’s there to get a paycheck and she’s just not that into you.
  • You’re at a gas station and see an attractive woman all alone pumping gas. You decide to randomly approach her with “smooth” verbiage about her looks. What you see is a girl fawning over your flattering words. What she sees is some scary, pervert coming at her, and debates about pouring gas on you and lighting a match. She’s there to get fuel and she’s just not that into you.

Continue reading

Just Not Feelin’ It: An Open Letter to God

Dear God,

I don’t know quite how to say this, we’ve been together so long, but lately over the last several days…I’m just not feelin’ it.

No, this isn’t some kind of break up notice, for we’ve been through too much together for that.  And we’ve had some pretty amazing times.

This isn’t a crisis of faith – though I’ve said I’m “losing my religion,” my belief and trust in you is stronger than ever.

You’ve not done anything recently to offend me.  You’ve not thrown me under the bus.  You’ve not cheated on me nor lied to me nor wreaked any personal major havoc.

It’s not that I have some theological issue with your allowance of suffering and such; you and I have worked our way through that.  It’s not that I’m troubled about seeming contradictions I’ve read; we’ve talked about those, too.

You and I have had knock down fights before and moments where I’ve nearly walked away.  I’ve screamed at you and cursed as well and nearly thrown in the towel.  But it’s not quite like that at all this time.

It’s just that my feelings for you, over really even the last couple weeks, can best be described as…meh. Continue reading

Not Alone: making it through the messiness of life

This is yet another unplanned post, but as I’ve reflected a lot on my 4 a.m. post (as well as some of the others) I thought I would share.  Many responded through comments on the blog, Facebook or through private messages offering words of support and prayer.  As a result, in the midst of what our family has been going through I felt deeply strengthened and encouraged because the overall message I received was, “You are not alone.” 

Not alone, first, because so many were willing to come alongside my family in a time of struggle.  Being transparent can be a scary thing – so it means a lot when afterwards, instead of receiving the condemnation we often manage to convince ourselves we’re going to get, we receive words more along the lines of “I understand” and “I am with you.”

But not alone also because several responded with their own personal stories of struggle, letting me know that I’m not alone in this mess.  In fact, after receiving several comments and private messages since starting this blog and, after having been throughout the years a part of so many different men’s groups, home groups, and various other relationships where inevitably others begin to confess the mess in their lives, I’ve become convinced of one thing: we all have our stuff.  We all have messes. Continue reading

4 am thoughts…and a need for prayer

I’m writing this just a little after 4 in the morning.  I confess this was not within my plan.  All of my other posts have been meticulously planned out in my head for months, each with a certain timing, a certain purpose – all part of a much greater plan.  But not this one.  I had never planned, or even hoped, to write it at all, and certainly not on a different day of the week.  I don’t even know that I even have anything specific to teach or that there’s a point – just some random, and perhaps desperate, 4 am thoughts.

But I promised I would be honest and real…and so here I am.  You see just after 7am my youngest son, Chase, will be getting up, or perhaps he may not.  For the past week it has been quite a struggle and it’s starting to become routine.  We wake him up to get ready for school, and sometimes he gets going and sometimes he does not – almost always I end up spending anywhere from 30 minutes to hours, encouraging him that he can make it through at least this day.  Welcome to depression. Continue reading

A Sordid Tale of Sex and Sin…and grace

Adam & Eve hide

(Part 3 of 3 of God, the church and LGBT)

In my first post on LGBT I explained how God favors those who are LGBT.  God’s favor is never lost and never has to be earned; he simply likes you – always has and always will.  The church has sadly failed to express that.  In my second post, I explored the question of whether same-sex marriage is sin, saying how it (along with any similar questions related to LGBT and sin) is nearly impossible to answer; for in that one question is actually 1000 other deeper questions being asked.  To try and answer it in a short soundbite without first listening to others is often costly as it ends up hurting people along the way.  With that said, I’m actually going to attempt now to answer the question – or on a broader scale the question of whether being LGBT (or other similar variations) is sin. Continue reading

“Is Same-Sex Marriage Sin?” and 1000 Other Impossible Questions Answered

(Part 2 of 3 of God, the Church, and LGBT)

Thousand Questions

Music blared several decibels from her bedroom to grab my attention.  Upon arriving at my 15 year old daughter’s room I saw the collection of homemade construction paper posters plastered all over the outside of her door.

With words in crayon and colored pencil scribbled over pictures of rainbows and picket signs, the message was meant to be clear.

“Equal Rights!” they exclaimed.

“Same-sex marriage!”

“Bi-sexual and proud!”

But the most offensive:

“My dad hates gays!” and “My dad hates me because I’m bi.”
Continue reading

Not Gonna Lie

or….Thanks, God, For the Really Sucky Years

(Welcome to my blog part 1 of 2)

I’m not gonna lie to you….half of what I’m going to tell you throughout this blog site is a lie. What???  Steve, you’re starting out this blog called “Honestly Thinking” by telling me you can’t really be trusted (not to mention the contradictory sentence and bad grammar)??  Yes…and no…and not exactly.  I promise to always be honest with you, but that means telling you up front that a big percentage of what I say to you I don’t fully believe myself.  In other words, I constantly tell lies to myself.  I’m a hypocrite.  What I say I believe and what I actually end up doing are often two different things.  That’s because what I truly believe in my head doesn’t always transfer to what I truly believe in my heart and vice versa; thus, I continually end up living a contradictory life.  Continue reading

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